The one with all the feels

When I was 24, my world was in shambles.  I was drinking to excess, partying like there was no tomorrow, and avoiding all responsibility.  I got fired from a really good job that I was miserable at.  I had Adrenal Disease and Alopecia and was completely bald.  I had a relationship with someone I had no business being in a relationship with and it was completely tumultuous.  I spent six months unemployed.  I was broke, I was fighting unemployment, my car which I'd just paid off died and I was relying on friends for rides anywhere and everywhere.  All of that led me to drink more and party harder.  

I finally accepted a $10/hour job because there was nothing else out there and I was desperate.  I was told it would be an 8 week temporary assignment and that there was no hope getting hired on full time because the lady I was covering was on maternity leave.  

In those 8 weeks, I revamped all of the companies spreadsheets, helped organize files, learned some new things in the quality department and started doing inbound inspections and soaked up everything I could. Seven weeks into the temporary assignment, I was hired full time and given a $1.50 raise!  

My boss was awesome.  He was young and liked the same music I did.  The quality supervisor was awesome and quickly became my best friend, which he remains to this day.  8 months into the job, they offered me a supervisor/management position... in California.  3,000 miles from home.  I looked around at my life and knew I had to take the opportunity!  So three months later I packed up my belongings and flew, one way, to Fresno, California.  I met many struggles managing that warehouse and those employees.  I fought battle after battle.  I accomplished so many things.  I made amazing friends.  But 22 months later, I decided that journey was over.  I had a going away party full of employees who told me I had made an impact in their lives, and they had collected money to get me a Go Pro Hero 2, they had JUST been released!  It was extremely touching.  I moved back to Ohio at my request and the company made a spot for me to manage a department. We opened a warehouse in Hong Kong and management picked ME to go train!  How lucky was I?  I got to go with two of my favorite colleagues and explore the other side of the WORLD.  Things were going great.  I had a department of 32 guys, most of them 18-22.  We had fun, but we worked hard.  I tried to instill in them what I had instilled in the group in California but it was not the same.  These kids in Ohio were disrespectful, they were careless, they were fed from silver spoons at home so this job did not matter.  I moved out at 17 and never knew another life.  These were 22 year olds who still lived in their childhood bedrooms.

In July of 2013, I had to fire my four favorite employees.  It was really hard for me.  I knew it was the right thing to do, they had broken some major rules, damaged property, and posted all of it on social media.  The stress this caused me was ridiculous. I felt like a failure, like I couldnt fix them.

I bid on a corporate quality position in November of 2013 and have been there ever since!  I have built my department of only 5, all of whom are scattered across the country and report to me remotely.  We work hard, are successful, have time to be silly and I truly enjoy the work.

Last night I got this text message out of the blue, from one of the four employees i'd fired over two years ago. 

It was great to hear from him, he had always been my favorite and I had worked so closely with him.  I smiled, relaxed and thought about what changed my mentality towards my professional life and it was truly rock bottom that changed mine.  I hate that I had to fire them to show them the light and I hate that I had to get fired to be shown the light, but I am glad that we have grown up.  And I am glad to have played even a small role in that part of his life.  I know he is going to go on and do great things and I will still be here, working at the company that gave me the opportunity to grow up and do great things, honored to have had a small part of his world.

My break is over... I better get back to work!  

The one with no regrets

I had a really good friend over this week, she's had some medical issues and had to stay at her parents house so it was helpful to get out of the house!  Jack had a massive crush on her and stared her down the entire day, she was new and exciting and he loved it!  After shopping, we headed back to my house and sat on the patio and drank some oktoberfest beers.  She asked me while we sat there if I wished that we had more time as newlyweds, and to be married without our son.

I didn't know how to answer. 

Was it nice when we could just pick up and go out to dinner? Absolutely!  Did I love when we could decide to do absolutely nothing all day and stay in pajamas?  Sure!  Did I like having sporadic intimate moments and not putting the baby to sleep and RUSHING to be close for as long as he will stay asleep?   Who wouldn't?  (I found out the next day that I also liked being hungover without having to care for a tiny human too!)

But none of that even remotely compares to life now.  Now we can't just rush out to dinner, but we put Jack in his high chair and he watches me cook with this look on his face like I am doing the most amazing thing he has ever seen.  I turn around and kiss his nose and we all laugh. There is never a day we don't do anything... we always have something to do because we have an almost six month old who wants to see and do everything.  We get to watch him see and do everything for the very first time, and it is incredible!  Intimacy isn't sporadic anymore, but it's so much more special.  I've never loved my husband the way I do now.  Seeing him as a father is the most romantic thing he has ever done! We cherish the moments we do get together because they're fewer.

Before I met my husband, I thought I was happy.  I thought that going out with girls, spending massive amounts on cocktails and bar food was the LIFE!  I thought being young, single and traveling was a BLAST! I thought for sure that that was the time in my life I'd look back on and think "Man that was the life."

I was wrong.  This is the life.  This is the life I will look back and remember.  The time I spent as a newlywed picking my babies nose on two hours of sleep and two gallons of caffeine.  That was the best time.

The one where I act like a third grader

There have been a lot of women throughout my pregnancy that told me "Just wait until you see your husband with the baby, you will fall even more in love".  It was 100% true.  The second I saw him holding our son, my vision of him changed forever.  He is still the amazing, strong, hard-working, sexy hippie that I married, but now he has this touch of softness and gentleness to him that just GLOWS.  He is a very hands on father.  My mom has commented how refreshing it is to see him so involved.  Has changed a million diapers, wakes up for night feedings without hesitation, dives in for bath time, he has done every thing I have done.  We are very equal partners in parenting.

The two of them are attached at the hip and I couldn't be happier to have a husband that is capable of being a father that my son adores.  I know I am the luckiest woman alive and even having this conversation right now is berserk. After a long hard day at work, I usually drive to my mothers to pick my son up.When he hears my voice he will crane neck until he finds me and then he air-swims arms and legs moving like crazy and squeals when I pick him up.  This week, his dad is home with him.  When I get home, I go to pick up Jack and he starts to cry.  He will SCREAM until I hand him back to his dad.  And it breaks my heart.  Am I jealous?  I guess so.  I want to be that person that my child needs for comfort.  I want him to see me after a long day apart and get excited no matter who is holding him.  I had joked this weekend that the definition of MOM in our house is "A placeholder until dad is no longer busy" and we all laughed, and then this week I realized, it's just not always funny.  I sometimes need him more than he needs me and I have to find a way to cope with that because in no way does my 6 month old son mean any ill will towards me.

When I get upset about this, my husband has no clue how to respond.  Of course he's thrilled to be the one Jack wants.  He is beaming with joy when Jack reaches out for him.  But my husband is the most caring and sensitive husband so he tries to console me and push our son towards me and it just isn't happening this week.  Tomorrow my husband goes back to work and I am off for four days with our son. (We did not have a sitter this week).  I am praying that the days go smoothly without dear dad and I will go back to being relieved when he reaches for his dad after a long day of bouncing, feeding, playing and Jungle Junction.

Seriously. How cute are these two?  I look at these pictures and everything I just typed sounds nonsensical and ridiculous.  How could they not be best friends? They're adorable and hilarious and why would they not be each others favorite?  What did I do that should make me number 1?  My husband is an equal player here.  All of this weighed on my mind all evening last night.  I teetered between sad and rejected to mad at myself for acting like I was eight years old.  And then it was bath time. I started to take note as I was the one who cleaned his ears (which he hates), I dried him off after I took him out of the tub (both of which he hates, the end of water time and the towel part) I trimmed his nails (which he hates), I put on his eczema lotion (which he hates), by this point he is so agitated that he screams as I button up his pajamas.  This is our routine every night.  Then his adoring father swoops in, picks him up from the changing table and the two of them go off into the night while I clean up.

No wonder he likes his father better.  The two of them play while I finish cleaning up. During bath time his dad plays with the rubber ducks and makes the wash rags make a waterfall while I clean every nook and cranny.  The two of them hang out in the back yard while I make breakfast, lunch, dinner.  My husband is very hands on.  For all of the fun stuff.

I am just going to have to accept my role as second fiddle and know that everything I am doing is what needs to be done to keep the household afloat and it's not always glamorous.  And there's not always smiles.  But when I sneak up on moments like this, everything is okay:

Plus, look at what this big kid finally learned to do this week!  I am so proud and look forward to him getting a little more mobile!  Everyone says I am crazy and to enjoy them being little but so far this almost 6 months age has been my favorite. He's interactive, learning more, sleeping better, and eating great with a proper digestive system.  I love watching him learn and do more.  I'll miss baby snuggles of course, but for now, look out world, Jackson is on the move:

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 32

No, not me. I just turned 30!  But the best friend a girl could ask for, the girl I am SO lucky to call a cousin, the girl who is SO MUCH MORE like a SISTER, SHE is 32 today!

 

She still loves Fievel and I still wear pearls with my pajamas, and we still do karaoke at every chance we get... so really, not much has changed from  the 80's to now.

"Hey Romy, remember Mrs. Divits class, there was like always a word problem.  Like.. there's a guy in a row boat going X miles, and the current is going like, ya know, some other miles and how long does it take to get him to town?  It's like... WHO CARES?  Who wants to go to town with a guy who drives a rowboat?"

The best part about my Twin Cousin is that she just GETS me.  We are the silliest most fun people I know.  We have an absolute giggle fit doing everything that we do! 

They're cousins, Identical cousins and you'll find, They laugh alike, they walk alike, At times they even talk alike.....

We're just like really big kids......

Yes, we are on a Merry Go Round taking selfies.

WHO CAN DRINK!

I can't be there to celebrate with you today (Like I was on your 30th!), but I am there in spirit.   

 "Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, and dreams are forever" - Walt Disney

"Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten" - Lilo & Stitch

The one with all the purees

My five month old son is formula fed.  He LOVES to drink his bottle and doesn't miss a drop. He doesn't dribble, he doesn't spit up, the kid is a PROFESSIONAL when it comes to eating.  Level Expert.  At least he was.  Just after four months old the doctor said we could start him on solids.  Another controversial topic, starting solids before six months... I'm just going for them all! Breastfeed, and solids, oh my!  We started with a few bowls of cereal and then gave him some sweet potatoes.  I spent multiple afternoons steaming and blending sweet potatoes, carrots, peas and pears excited to feed him.  He was overwhelmed at first but after a few attempts, he LOVED Sweet Potatoes.  He couldn't get enough.  After a week or two of Sweet Potatoes I made him some avocado, I mashed it and then whipped in some formula with it and if he could speak, I imagine his reaction to this would be like when I get the chocolate peanut butter cheesecake at Cheesecake Factory.  It's the most magical taste in the world!  As the weeks went on we tried bananas, (Constipation city!) prunes (diarrhea city!), pears, peas, peaches carrots, apples and most recently green beans.

Problem 1:  Apples.  He loved the apples.  He'd have kept eating all day if I let him.  Two days later his face broke out in a rash that almost two weeks later has still not improved.  Is it related? I don't know, but I'm terrified to try again.

Problem 2:  Carrots and Green Beans.  Much like my reaction to chocolate peanut butter cheesecake, my child has also inherited my reaction to mushrooms and onions.  It's as if someone is taking a potato masher to my throat if I accidentally eat a mushroom or an onion.  It's offensive to every single one of my senses.  After a few tries, Jack has come around to Carrots if they're warm but I don't think we can even try Green Beans again.  He gagged. Dramatically. He forced himself to throw up.  He took every face and grunt he has learned in the last 24 weeks and made it known.  He was pissed.

Last night I gave him the mesh feeder with real banana in it and he was in heaven, he loved chewing on it and the taste and sucked it bone dry.  It was pretty repulsive as with most things babies do is. 

I think this weekend if my husband is home we may start towards some baby led weaning away from purees. 

Can someone tell this kid to slow down already!?

Willie Nelson - Where My House Lives

My husband and I both agree on one big thing.  And that is that we absolutely LOVE Willie Nelson.  We have passed this love along to our five month old son and this is always the music we sway and sing to.  This song is sad.  But it's the most beautiful melody and I thought the title was perfect for a lifestyle blog.

We saw Willie Nelson on Friday, and he was not the worlds best performer anymore but when he walked out on stage I got the chills and my eyes widened and I marveled at the legend who stood before me.  I knew my husband was feeling the same way by the way he fumbled for my hand and squeezed.

My mom always says "House is where your shit is" because we are nomadic and have moved a hundred times.  Okay, like 30 but still... I never had that sense of a "home" as far as a structural building.  Home for me is my family and wherever I feel happy.  The best part of life now with my husband and son?  I am always home.

The one where it all began

Exactly two years ago this week, my (now) husband and I began to subtly let one another know we were interested in more than the forbidden employee-boss relationship we were currently in. Okay, okay, it's not as bad as it seems.  Yes, I am a supervisor in the same company he is a warehouse employee at, but it wasn't like he reported directly to me. For the most part.

In November of 2013 we decided to take the plunge.  Within three weeks of dating he was suddenly without his place of residence and naturally went from staying over every night to living with me.  In December we said screw fraternization and went public.  In April of 2014 he asked me to marry him.  And by May of 2014 we had planned a private mountain top ceremony in the Shenandoah National Park mountains!  Everything was set. July 29, 2014 was to be the day our lives changed forever!  We would be married!  But July 26, 2014 came first.

Did you hear that? That was the sound of the tires screeching.  Now, I am not the most scientific person in the world but I did okay in Biology and Health class and I understood the basic baby making details.  I was practicing Fertility Awareness and using the withdraw method, neither of which are full-proof but MAN did I think I was golden and safe.  This was the shock of a lifetime to me.  In hind sight, it wasn't necessary to hold the pee stick right by my face for this shot, but I am still glad i have it.

We loaded up the SUV with our camping gear, put my pretty dress in the backseat and drove off towards Virginia, wide-eyed and hands intertwined.  We were through the roof excited about the baby even if it wasn't the timing we had intended and we knew we were blessed to never have the burden of "trying". 

July 29th came and went and was the most romantic, beautiful day of my entire life.

We stayed in a cabin on our wedding night and proceeded to the campgrounds the day following.  July 31, 2014 I woke up in a tent with an overwhelming sensation of nausea and spent the next two days in the woods throwing up before I threw in the towel and we went to a hotel.

I had a very rough pregnancy.  Terrible morning sickness, and a lot. I mean A LOT of sporadic bleeding which was later diagnosed as Placenta Previa.  I had high blood pressure and numb hands and every normal side affect as well.  My little boy couldn't wait to meet us and on the eve of my 36th week of pregnancy he decided to show his cute little face. To make up for my pregnancy, I had the easiest labor ever. I labored at home for 9 hours, was in L&D for 3 hours, pushed 3 times and heard the most magnificent cries.

Jackson Louis was born March 10, 2015.  His blood sugar was low and his temperature was low but he only spent one night in the NICU and spent the next two nights in the room with us before we went home. 

 

I had been envisioning our arrival at home for 35 weeks.  I pictured us walking in the house. My husband setting the infant carrier down ever so gently, us exchanging a glance and then shrugging our shoulders.  Now what?  There was no license. No signatures required. We just left the hospital with this tiny breathing thing and we had NO IDEA what was to come.

Jack is five months old now and every morning is still followed by an exchanged glance of "Now What?"  Everything our son does is new to him, new to us, and we are really just making it up as we go along.  So far so good.  Every exhausting second is the best second ever.

Now that I've decided to delete my Facebook (Who can handle another election season on social media? Not me.) and my kid is growing like wild fire, I thought I'd start a blog and keep track of it.  I hope to blog bi-weekly or weekly or monthly or yearly, who knows, this could be my only post.  But at least I made a cute layout and put some cute pictures of Jack on the web.  

Until next time!

Em