The one with no regrets

I had a really good friend over this week, she's had some medical issues and had to stay at her parents house so it was helpful to get out of the house!  Jack had a massive crush on her and stared her down the entire day, she was new and exciting and he loved it!  After shopping, we headed back to my house and sat on the patio and drank some oktoberfest beers.  She asked me while we sat there if I wished that we had more time as newlyweds, and to be married without our son.

I didn't know how to answer. 

Was it nice when we could just pick up and go out to dinner? Absolutely!  Did I love when we could decide to do absolutely nothing all day and stay in pajamas?  Sure!  Did I like having sporadic intimate moments and not putting the baby to sleep and RUSHING to be close for as long as he will stay asleep?   Who wouldn't?  (I found out the next day that I also liked being hungover without having to care for a tiny human too!)

But none of that even remotely compares to life now.  Now we can't just rush out to dinner, but we put Jack in his high chair and he watches me cook with this look on his face like I am doing the most amazing thing he has ever seen.  I turn around and kiss his nose and we all laugh. There is never a day we don't do anything... we always have something to do because we have an almost six month old who wants to see and do everything.  We get to watch him see and do everything for the very first time, and it is incredible!  Intimacy isn't sporadic anymore, but it's so much more special.  I've never loved my husband the way I do now.  Seeing him as a father is the most romantic thing he has ever done! We cherish the moments we do get together because they're fewer.

Before I met my husband, I thought I was happy.  I thought that going out with girls, spending massive amounts on cocktails and bar food was the LIFE!  I thought being young, single and traveling was a BLAST! I thought for sure that that was the time in my life I'd look back on and think "Man that was the life."

I was wrong.  This is the life.  This is the life I will look back and remember.  The time I spent as a newlywed picking my babies nose on two hours of sleep and two gallons of caffeine.  That was the best time.

The one where it all began

Exactly two years ago this week, my (now) husband and I began to subtly let one another know we were interested in more than the forbidden employee-boss relationship we were currently in. Okay, okay, it's not as bad as it seems.  Yes, I am a supervisor in the same company he is a warehouse employee at, but it wasn't like he reported directly to me. For the most part.

In November of 2013 we decided to take the plunge.  Within three weeks of dating he was suddenly without his place of residence and naturally went from staying over every night to living with me.  In December we said screw fraternization and went public.  In April of 2014 he asked me to marry him.  And by May of 2014 we had planned a private mountain top ceremony in the Shenandoah National Park mountains!  Everything was set. July 29, 2014 was to be the day our lives changed forever!  We would be married!  But July 26, 2014 came first.

Did you hear that? That was the sound of the tires screeching.  Now, I am not the most scientific person in the world but I did okay in Biology and Health class and I understood the basic baby making details.  I was practicing Fertility Awareness and using the withdraw method, neither of which are full-proof but MAN did I think I was golden and safe.  This was the shock of a lifetime to me.  In hind sight, it wasn't necessary to hold the pee stick right by my face for this shot, but I am still glad i have it.

We loaded up the SUV with our camping gear, put my pretty dress in the backseat and drove off towards Virginia, wide-eyed and hands intertwined.  We were through the roof excited about the baby even if it wasn't the timing we had intended and we knew we were blessed to never have the burden of "trying". 

July 29th came and went and was the most romantic, beautiful day of my entire life.

We stayed in a cabin on our wedding night and proceeded to the campgrounds the day following.  July 31, 2014 I woke up in a tent with an overwhelming sensation of nausea and spent the next two days in the woods throwing up before I threw in the towel and we went to a hotel.

I had a very rough pregnancy.  Terrible morning sickness, and a lot. I mean A LOT of sporadic bleeding which was later diagnosed as Placenta Previa.  I had high blood pressure and numb hands and every normal side affect as well.  My little boy couldn't wait to meet us and on the eve of my 36th week of pregnancy he decided to show his cute little face. To make up for my pregnancy, I had the easiest labor ever. I labored at home for 9 hours, was in L&D for 3 hours, pushed 3 times and heard the most magnificent cries.

Jackson Louis was born March 10, 2015.  His blood sugar was low and his temperature was low but he only spent one night in the NICU and spent the next two nights in the room with us before we went home. 

 

I had been envisioning our arrival at home for 35 weeks.  I pictured us walking in the house. My husband setting the infant carrier down ever so gently, us exchanging a glance and then shrugging our shoulders.  Now what?  There was no license. No signatures required. We just left the hospital with this tiny breathing thing and we had NO IDEA what was to come.

Jack is five months old now and every morning is still followed by an exchanged glance of "Now What?"  Everything our son does is new to him, new to us, and we are really just making it up as we go along.  So far so good.  Every exhausting second is the best second ever.

Now that I've decided to delete my Facebook (Who can handle another election season on social media? Not me.) and my kid is growing like wild fire, I thought I'd start a blog and keep track of it.  I hope to blog bi-weekly or weekly or monthly or yearly, who knows, this could be my only post.  But at least I made a cute layout and put some cute pictures of Jack on the web.  

Until next time!

Em