There have been a lot of women throughout my pregnancy that told me "Just wait until you see your husband with the baby, you will fall even more in love". It was 100% true. The second I saw him holding our son, my vision of him changed forever. He is still the amazing, strong, hard-working, sexy hippie that I married, but now he has this touch of softness and gentleness to him that just GLOWS. He is a very hands on father. My mom has commented how refreshing it is to see him so involved. Has changed a million diapers, wakes up for night feedings without hesitation, dives in for bath time, he has done every thing I have done. We are very equal partners in parenting.
The two of them are attached at the hip and I couldn't be happier to have a husband that is capable of being a father that my son adores. I know I am the luckiest woman alive and even having this conversation right now is berserk. After a long hard day at work, I usually drive to my mothers to pick my son up.When he hears my voice he will crane neck until he finds me and then he air-swims arms and legs moving like crazy and squeals when I pick him up. This week, his dad is home with him. When I get home, I go to pick up Jack and he starts to cry. He will SCREAM until I hand him back to his dad. And it breaks my heart. Am I jealous? I guess so. I want to be that person that my child needs for comfort. I want him to see me after a long day apart and get excited no matter who is holding him. I had joked this weekend that the definition of MOM in our house is "A placeholder until dad is no longer busy" and we all laughed, and then this week I realized, it's just not always funny. I sometimes need him more than he needs me and I have to find a way to cope with that because in no way does my 6 month old son mean any ill will towards me.
When I get upset about this, my husband has no clue how to respond. Of course he's thrilled to be the one Jack wants. He is beaming with joy when Jack reaches out for him. But my husband is the most caring and sensitive husband so he tries to console me and push our son towards me and it just isn't happening this week. Tomorrow my husband goes back to work and I am off for four days with our son. (We did not have a sitter this week). I am praying that the days go smoothly without dear dad and I will go back to being relieved when he reaches for his dad after a long day of bouncing, feeding, playing and Jungle Junction.
Seriously. How cute are these two? I look at these pictures and everything I just typed sounds nonsensical and ridiculous. How could they not be best friends? They're adorable and hilarious and why would they not be each others favorite? What did I do that should make me number 1? My husband is an equal player here. All of this weighed on my mind all evening last night. I teetered between sad and rejected to mad at myself for acting like I was eight years old. And then it was bath time. I started to take note as I was the one who cleaned his ears (which he hates), I dried him off after I took him out of the tub (both of which he hates, the end of water time and the towel part) I trimmed his nails (which he hates), I put on his eczema lotion (which he hates), by this point he is so agitated that he screams as I button up his pajamas. This is our routine every night. Then his adoring father swoops in, picks him up from the changing table and the two of them go off into the night while I clean up.
No wonder he likes his father better. The two of them play while I finish cleaning up. During bath time his dad plays with the rubber ducks and makes the wash rags make a waterfall while I clean every nook and cranny. The two of them hang out in the back yard while I make breakfast, lunch, dinner. My husband is very hands on. For all of the fun stuff.
I am just going to have to accept my role as second fiddle and know that everything I am doing is what needs to be done to keep the household afloat and it's not always glamorous. And there's not always smiles. But when I sneak up on moments like this, everything is okay:
Plus, look at what this big kid finally learned to do this week! I am so proud and look forward to him getting a little more mobile! Everyone says I am crazy and to enjoy them being little but so far this almost 6 months age has been my favorite. He's interactive, learning more, sleeping better, and eating great with a proper digestive system. I love watching him learn and do more. I'll miss baby snuggles of course, but for now, look out world, Jackson is on the move:
It sounds like we're going to be in the same boat! My husband is the same way, very hands on... to the point where little Sebastian will almost instantly fall asleep next to him or on his chest.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered swapping night time duties? Maybe twice a week Daddy can do all the stuff Jack hates. That way it kind of equals the playing field... so to speak. I can totally understand feeling like "number 1". We carried our boys for over 9 months. We were their everything, and even if we didn't think it at the time, our subconscious knew it. So why wouldn't we feel a little let down when we aren't everything they need once they are out in the real world. :)